I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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