I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
