I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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