i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
