Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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