Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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