i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize