mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i need some magic done to my vagina
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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