At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
