You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
