No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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