Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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