I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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