I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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