i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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