I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I deserve this hangover.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
