the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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