Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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