yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
