Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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