Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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