last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
