It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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