i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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