you turned your livingroom into a bong?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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