I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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