I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Ketchup is God's man juice
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
