He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
