I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize