I wish I only lived at night.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
