Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
