broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
