I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
