I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
