Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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