gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
