So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
