Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize