yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
