the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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