Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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