do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize