matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
thus making me awesome and them whores
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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