You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
