I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
