I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize