im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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