Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
