This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
no. you can't hotbox the world.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
