Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize