He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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