Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
