Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He better not be in your backpack
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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