Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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