I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
