I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
