As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just want to make out with him forever
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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