I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
