You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Soap is not a condiment
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize