i think my mom watched the whole time
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize