It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
