i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
