there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
