and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
