Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
