He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize