wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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