She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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