All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
