Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
