haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
