An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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