And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Randomize
