Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
