totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
