I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
