I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
