It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My dick has a subreddit
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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