I haven't been this sober since birth.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
