Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
