Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
