yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She announced her abortion via fbk
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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