Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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