She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
They took my balls.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
