Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
