And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
