If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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