matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
