i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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