I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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