i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
