you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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