I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
