He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
