I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
