i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
