smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
