Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
