JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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