Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How does it feel to date your dad?
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