hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
That accounts for only three of the penises
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
