How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
