I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
